Define "chronic" masturbator.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
