Swine flu is the new snow day.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
