I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
