I slept with him to see his dog one last time
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
