Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My feet surprised me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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