i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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