my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
