You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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