I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
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I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
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Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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