addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
