Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
