i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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