When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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