you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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