it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
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Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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