when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
