You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
