this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
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All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
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My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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