Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
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i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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