eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
