Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
