Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
even my farts smell like vagina
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
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