is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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