My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
