How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
