): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
