he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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