I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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