My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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