She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
