no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
