Umm I'm too high to move.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Are my feet made of real feet?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
