It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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