How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
