Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize