is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
