it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
