i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
