my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
