thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
