So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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