also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
