Non-Jews are for practice
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my vag is so smooth its legendary
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
