conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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