Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
