he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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