so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
