Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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