She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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