Tell her she can't have a vagina
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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