Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
