My sheets look like a crime scene.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize