I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
