just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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