On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
