Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
