Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
