i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so let's talk penis.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
