first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
