Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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