I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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