he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
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My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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