She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
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Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
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I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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