you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
