Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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