You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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