i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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