smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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