On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
