My cat gives me a boner
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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