12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Terrible idea I love it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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