WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
