...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
