I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
