seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
