You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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