I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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