I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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