Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
