i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She bit a glass in half.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
