My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
