i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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