At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
